3 years since Mum died

9 June 2006 - Mum passed away in a rather sudden fashion; she was indeed one for drama. How I wish she could have waited a while more to meet Caitlin. They would have got on famously, arguing, and talking nonsense to each other. One of my mother's favourite words was "barrage", and now Caitlin says it with great ease.

Mum's old friend Mrs Liem, Laura's mum, passed away a few days ago. Also in June; also 80. Coincidental. I really wanted to return Laura's "favour", for want of a better word; and attend the funeral yesterday but I had a Police recce almost all day long; and Roger could not make it either. Well, at least Rog and I made it to the wake, and Cliff phoned from Oz. Laura said it went "better than well; it went beautifully".

I'm not sure Mum's funeral went "beautifully" but it turned out well enough; I missed the ending because I could not face the coffin going into that room; so Edward took me out. We did however give her a proper send-off with family, relatives and friends and with her Jim Reeves CD and her cigarettes! Bet she's puffing away like hell; leaving all those half-smoked fags to become ashes; and with Dixie, who loved sucking up all that smoke.

I remember Mrs Liem for perming my hair, and the loud Cantonese she used to call Laura home, and scold her kids, and to Astra, the dog. They were the first ones with a phone, and our family were allowed to use it. It was to that phone that the call came from my Dad's office that fateful day.

Laura said that they found her father's 8mm films of us playing as kids; I would love to see them.

It's been 3 years for us, but still we feel the pain of the sudden turn for the worst. It was a shocker as she was due to go for her scan that day. I still remember the shock of it all.
I'm so glad Clifford and Jasmine were down.

Our rough time was made better by people who went the extra mile; especially Maurice and Asiah who spent hours in the hospital, food was never-ending from them, which together with Fiona's culinary contributions, saw us through right till the last prayer day. We had some good laughs as well that week, Mum would have approved.

To all others who showed concern, helped with donations, and offered food, running around and all kinds of invaluable assistance - you know who you are - my brothers and I are deeply grateful, and are not likely to forget it.

Do I miss the domination and volatility that was my mother ? Not at all; I do miss however our discussions on cooking, bits of gossip, and the times when she'd want only the best for all of us. I could write a book on her and her 30+maids; how the three of us - mostly Me - had to deal with all that hell for so long, is memorable.

Edward passed me Hank William's music and hearing "Mexicali Rose" brought tears to my eyes because she used to sing with Hank in Jedburgh Gardens; this was before the sicknesses. She braved 5 full months of radiation 5 times a week, and could still fight with the maids. She had a nose tube for 5 months, living on milk. She still could fight with the maids. The day she fell was the day after my huge food show and I ws all prepped to relax and have a goooood nap. No good nap was had till after the funeral; she spent 6 whole weeks in hospital. And she still fought with the nurses and sent the physiotherapist packing. And it was Roger's friend. That was so funny.

Having said that, losing a mother is very difficult; no matter what, it's still your mother; years of history; and don't ever let that be trivialised.

Yes I am feeling sentimental and emotional; it's almost 9 pm, I am still in the office, a week away from my Ministerial Forum; my back is crying out for relief. I could not attend Mass for Mum, but you know what, she would have totally understood. She'd say "No need lah; you just do the right thing". She always said work is important; it's your job. She died with my Ministerial Forum two weeks away but at that time, my "right thing" was seeing to her needs.

How we sometimes have to consider whether what we are doing is the right thing or not. But your conscience will tell you and you have to live with whatever decision you make.

All Right. I think it's time to pack up. You should be meeting up soon with Mrs Liem, Mum. She's in this nice red cheongsam.